Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
