dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
