Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
