She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
