i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
