I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
