Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just puked most of my soul out..
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