I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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