I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
