there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
