when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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