i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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