her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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