Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
