hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
