mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
