Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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