we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
birth control should be required to get into college
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
