Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
