please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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