I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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