Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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