guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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