I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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