I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Panties = found
Randomize
