well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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