I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
i've created a new STD.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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