I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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