ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
