Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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