cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
