It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
