No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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