Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
