Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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