I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
