Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
