Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
