its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You've changed since you got that strap on
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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