He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
