Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
