She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
COCAINE IS GR8
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
