i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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