You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
