Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm at about main and main street
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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