Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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