Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
