im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
