You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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