Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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