take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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