I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just invented taco cereal.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
